Although I have experienced glimpses of kundalini before nothing has so powerfully rocked my world as what I have recently experienced through the magic of Tantra yoga.
I came to tantra yoga at a time when my soul needed healing and drank in every teaching and experience. A lot of what was taught in terms of the energetic body and spirituality was not new to me but experiencing the power of pranayama is an altogether different realm.
When I was in my teens I can recall periodically having the spontaneous desire or call from Spirit (although I didn't understand even that then) to sit and meditate because I could feel a rush of energy about to surge through me. So I immediately would sit and BAM up rose through me like a luminescent channel this incredible ecstatic, burstingly joyful energy. It would be a kind of golden, pearly, white, green, pink, yellow, powder blue of the celestial realm and it shot up out of my crown and hands raised above my head by the momentum of the stream of energy. I would laugh here in the pure bliss of ecstatic energy.
The kind of kundalini experience I have known on my tantra journey has been quite different and wholly overwhelming and transcendent. During the third week of the Tantra Yoga class I had the first of a series of mind blowing experiences arising from a deepening energetic awareness and sublimation through pranayama. The class was in an open leg muladhara pose breathing into the asana with a intense naskiya breath and I could feel myself becoming light headed and thought I was going to feint and continued to feel the sensation intensify. The next thing I knew everything fell away and it was dark and the roaring in my ears sounded like there were trucks passing me on both sides and I began to be aware of the air-con in the centre of the ceiling up above as I slowly came back to reality disorientated and aware that my head was laid back over my shoulders. As I realised what had happened any residual fear subsided and I felt immense joy.
A lot of the weight off my mind, being had sublimated in that one transmutation through kundalini energy. Its funny, I had been hearing for YEARS from Spirit "transmutation is the key. Transmutation is the key," and it wasn't until that afternoon I truly understood its potency.
There is a huge amount of trust required to allow yourself to explore that kind of experience. Another potent moment in the class was perhaps in the second week and we were holding a pose I found challenging to maintain and seemingly in awareness of this my teacher said "my body is safe'. I repeated this to myself and the strain of the pose melted away and I wondered why I had never felt before that I WAS safe in my body, that I could trust it, and that I was in it but simultaneously not of it and by the grace of all that is though my connection to my body, my body is safe and capable. Not vulnerable but incredible. The strain on my muscles subsided with instant ease. Its all awareness and state of being.
BUT THIS IS WHAT SHOWED ME A NEW REALITY ENTIRELY:
My first kundalini experience was felt with waves of delicious energy moving through me, ecstasy all the way up to my head and then all of a sudden, I was in a new reality, completely tangible, people I knew were there but I was as a witness. Then - VOID, completely black and in this state I had no notion of what I am, who I am, that I may even have a body, where I am, why I may be here. None of the passed through my mind yet. I was beyond the mind, beyond the narrative. It's the most bizarre experience to discover you were a narrative and to gently remember more and more details and experiencing yourself drawn back into form. In Void, no-one else. Everything just was. Pure consciousness. Complete serenity. No name, no story, nothing else. everything and nothing. Even the moment of going from the quiet ecstasy of supreme bliss to the realisation that I was experiencing it. With each observation came a question and an answer and I came back more with each moment into my self. The return to the body seemed to be a process of the consciousness coming more and more into the mind. From within the void emerged coloured geometry and mandalas in flux almost like a kaleidoscope and that was where my brain began to kick in "what is this?' The more questions it put forward the more I came back through the denser realms and finally fully into my personality mind and human body and slowly I began to hear the room and found my head in my lap and the class going on around me. For the briefest of moment I forgot even where I was and finding myself in this nurturing environment and grounded.
This happened regularly over the course of the 8 week yoga term, always the same experience. That state of absolute being is indescribably awe some There is, I will admit, a part of me which lingers in fear as I come back into my body and into the room because I don't know where I am for the first few moments, "am I in my bed?" and actually having the community of yogis around you is incredibly comforting at this point. My aim is to release the fear and attempt to turn off the mind from chiming in when I reach the pure consciousness state with the hope to learn more from that realm.
Yoga is about Unity and it has truly been the bridge which has integrated my spirituality with the body, allowing me to relate, inhabit and see the sanctity of the body as the temple it is to the delicious realm of consciousness which sustains it.